Sugar Pie Honey Bunch
by Cupid's ichor
Summary: The Earl is not fat, the Noahs like candy. Noah family luv


Sugar Pie Honey Bunch.

The Earl is not fat. The Noahs like candy.

I like the Noahs and that's all she wrote.

---

Tyki doesn't talk about it much, really its nothing too important. But he likes to watch, no, he's bewildered by how Rhode eats candy.

She's eating jelly beans now and sorts through them; Red, purple, yellow, green, orange, black, white. Rhode plops them in her mouth in that order, only when she comes to the black and white group of jelly beans she bits a half off of a black one and white one and sticks them together and smiles triumphantly. It's Tyki. Tyki's the half eaten black and white smooched together jelly bean.

If you ask her she'll say that she's the red ones, the Earl is the purple, Skin is yellow and Jasdero is orange. Tyki's special, he's black _and_ white. That's what she would say, Tyki asked her once before.

When Rhode is done she throws the rest of the white ones at Tyki, who makes a face. A couple pokes him in the eye and he catches them his mouth. Its pineapple. He spits them out with distaste. Who the hell makes a pineapple jelly bean?

Tyki doesn't watch her all the time, but just does when there's nothing else to do. He wonders why she doesn't eat the candy normally. There are half eaten gummy bears everywhere. She only eats the heads.

Usually by the end of the day the table will be cleaned and if you ask Skin about it he'll give you an indignant look. Everyone knows he eats the bodies.

But its not just the gummy candies, Rhode's especially fond of lolly pops and candy canes.

The candy canes she sucks on until the end is a nice point. And she especially likes those swirled lollies that are the size of your head, if she determined she'll consume the thing in an hour. Tyki's seen it.

On the other hand, Tyki's quite fond of chocolate. He likes its smooth texture and how it melts in your mouth. Rhode knows Tyki goes for the stuff in the golden boxes, the ones with the different fillings and stuff. Once she gave Tyki a box with half eaten pieces. Rhode said she had already eaten half of them before she realized there was a key in the front. She likes the coconut, Tyki hates it. Tyki thanks her.

---

If you go into the kitchen of the Noahs there are boxes upon boxes of Pocky stacked precariously on the top shelves of the cupboard. The twins purposely stocked the sweets themselves. They like Pocky and the potential of the boxes falling on someone.

Secretly, although the theory isn't proven, the Noahs know the Earl is a doughnut type of guy; or cake, or cookies, or maybe ice cream. After all something has to keep his figure so _voluptuous_. Though, the Earl takes good care in not reveling any of his secrets. He goes to the dentist regularly. After all he has quite the evil smile; it would be a shame if he had any cavities.

One time the Noahs suggested the Earl go on a diet, it was a group effort because no one would rightly say such a thing. After all The Earl doesn't like to be called fat; because he's not. Not really anyway. He often emphasizes his not-fat-ness by floating away like Mary Poppins on Lero. Lero won't say anything if you ask him, but being the Earl's magic umbrella isn't the best job in the world. After all it's Lero that's doing all of the work, and really it's a lot of work

The Earl agreed he would cut down on the sweets only if the rest of his happy family would also. They're a family after all.

Rhode wined, "_Whhy _I'm not _**fat**_."

All of the Noahs twitched at _that_ word.

And with a snap of a finger all the sweets were burned asunder.

Skin cried that night.

---

Like a family each of the Noah's and the Earl had their respective methods of coping.

In the early mornings the Earl rummages around the cupboards looking for his Noah's stash. He's quite fond of those doughnuts with the frosting and rainbow sprinkles on them, but alas there isn't a sweet thing in the place and he decides to go out. He says he's out to wreak havoc, kill Allen Walker, that sort of thing; though everyone knows what he's really up to.

Tyki finds the whole situation quite humorous. He's not too attached to sweets; there are other ways to find pleasure. So when Tyki's in the mood for something sweet he goes out and kills someone.

Rhode's the smart one in all of this. She just opens her door and out comes piles of sweets.

Skin takes the sugar ban especially hard, as he isn't the brightest Noah and couldn't really come to a way to find or hide sweets. In fact if anyone asks, Rhode's dolls were already missing their eyes.

Jasdebi go into the kitchen and find the last candy bar in the place. When Skin finds out he nearly implodes the kitchen. Jasdebi take out a butcher's knife and a spoon. Debitto is the one with the spoon and curses Tyki loudly. It was his turn to do the dishes, damn it! Skin laughs roughly and later is treated by Rhode for having his hand impaled by an especially sharp spoon.

Though if you ask Skin, he was attacked by Jasdero and the kitchen knife.

The Noahs aren't stupid and they know about Rhode and her stockpile of goodies. Rhode just smiles with good humor and hands out the candy. Tyki doesn't say anything because he has another urge to go out and kill someone but he knows all the candy's fake. An illusion from Rhode's ability, Rhode makes their dreams come true.

Skin figures something is wrong when he nearly bites his finger off. But it's a cupcake, and there's a cherry and. . . . and.

He tries again anyway.

---

The twins and Skin confront Rhode again who claims she doesn't have anymore candy. She's drinking milk through a straw and blowing bubbles. It foams and pops, tickling the twin's faces. Skin's about to throw a fit but Rhode looks up and says, "Say, what happen to all of my dolls eyes'?"

Skin walks out of the room.

---

When the Earl arrives home he notices the twins eating a carrot. Skin is asleep on the couch and Rhode is upside down with a book, pretending she's reading. He thinks to himself what a cute family he has. He faintly wonders where Tyki is.

Rhode wines about Skin, he's been crying a lot lately, whimpering really. The Earl comments that he's probably going through withdrawal. Rhode's a bit sluggish, and he worries that she is too. The Earl questions Debitto gnawing on a carrot. Debitto says it tastes like dirt and shit and throws it at the Earl. It hits his hat and both twins gape, wordless to the amount of sweets that falls out.

Doughnuts, they fucking knew it.

When Tyki gets back he finds the Earl tied up while the rest of the Noahs are back to eating their various versions of tooth melting sugar. Tyki doesn't say anything when Rhode hands him an unopened box of chocolates, except a thanks. He watches amused as the twins eat a frosted doughnut in front of the Earl. Skin growls nonsense inhaling a bag of sugar. Rhode skips, cookie in hand and blissfully happy. She hugs the Earl around his front.

The Earl mutters with humor that perhaps next time he'll be serious about the diet, it seems like he's getting slow with his weight.

Rhode says no, he's fine the way he is. She just warns him never _ever_ take away their sweets again.

Tyki plops a chocolate in his mouth. He agrees.


End file.
